Let's begin with some of the bizarre and unfounded myths that surround Canary Industries:

• We provide organs to the highest bidder
• We grow human beings in test tubes and harvest their organs
• We have facilitated third-world genocide in order to harvest organs from the victims

You also may have heard some unsavory myths about our Organ Redistribution Specialists:

• They are grown in test tubes
• They are clones
• They have no capacity to understand or reproduce human speech
• They are the product of a top secret government experiment
• They are owned by Canary Industries rather than employed
• They remove organs with their teeth

Here we will dispel these myths and introduce some important facts and statistics concerning Canary Industries and our ongoing commitment to provide a better quality of life for the community.

Some Facts About Our Organs

Thirty-four percent of the earth's population has experienced organ failure. Many survivors owe their lives to Canary Industries. Just imagine that one-third of the people you know suddenly didn't exist. That's what the world would look like without the help of Canary Industries.

Canary Industries is a quality assurance institution which helps maintain the working condition of leased organs. If any client is not in compliance with the Conscientious Usage contract, an Organ Redistribution Specialist may be authorized to remove the leased organ in order to preserve it for the future use of the community. The important thing to remember is that the organ gives life to many, not to one. Any individual who endangers an organ is willfully undermining the sustainability of the community.

Clients are considered to be out of compliance under the following conditions: if they do not take the prescribed anti-rejection medication to ensure proper function of the organ; if they strain the organ by indulging in sports, alcohol consumption, vigorous sexual intercourse, or other prohibited activities; if they consume any food not on the list of approved foods.

Organ Redistribution Specialists

The tireless Organ Redistribution Specialists employed by Canary Industries are highly trained individuals equally equipped to contend with complex, rapidly changing technologies and delicate human tissue. After a maximum five-year term of service in the field, each Organ Redistribution Specialist submits to a thorough psychiatric evaluation and is transferred into another department of Canary Industries, where he or she will continue to enrich the lives of our clients. We rely on numerous safeguards to ensure that each Organ Redistribution Specialist is as "fresh" as the organs he or she delivers to those in need.

Remember: Organ redistribution is a quick, painless procedure which benefits the entire community.